Editor's note: This is the third in a series of articles written by students enrolled in Jennifer Bloom's graduate seminar on academic advising at the University of South Carolina for the 2007 fall semester. As part of her course syllabus, Dr. Bloom required each student in her class to submit an article to The Mentor or other publications for consideration.
Twenty-one out of every 100 students with whom academic advisers come in contact are currently in abusive relationships (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence [NCADV], 2007a). Given the important role that academic advisers play in student success (Light, 2001), as well as the prevalence of abusive relationships among college students, it is imperative for advisers to be educated about relationship violence. In this article, I will describe relationship violence, explain the relationship-violence cycle, give tips for identifying students who may be in abusive relationships, and suggest how to assist these students obtain the help they need.
What is relationship violence?
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “[relationship] violence occurs when one partner attempts to maintain power and control over the other through one or more forms of abuse, including sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse” (NCADV, 2007a, p.1). This type of violence can be inflicted by a past or current partner and does not discriminate by racial, social, or economic background. It is also important to note that this is not something that just affects women. This violence can affect men and women in heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Even though 16- to 24-year-old women experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence, equaling 20 per 1,000 women (NCADV, 2007a), it is estimated that 835,000 men are physically assaulted annually. This number may actually be higher considering that “men ... are less likely to report the violence and seek services due to ... the stigma of being a male victim, the perceived failure to conform to the masculine stereotype, the fear of not being believed, ... and the lack of support from society, family members, and friends” (NCADV, 2007b; p. 2).
The Cycle of Violence
To truly understand what students go through in their relationships, it is important to be familiar with the Cycle of Violence (Eastside Domestic Violence Program [EDVP], 2000). Everyone in a position of authority needs to be trained to assist survivors and educate himself or herself about the Cycle of Violence (L. Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007). The Cycle of Violence can happen many times in an unhealthy relationship, and the length of each stage may vary. The stages (EDVP, 2000) are as follows:
Phase 1: Tension Building Phase
In this phase the batterer may pick fights, act jealous and possessive, criticize, and/or be moody and unpredictable.
Phase 2: The Crisis Phase
In this phase, batterers will inflict verbal, sexual, and/or physical abuse on their partners. They may also destroy property or try to restrain their partners.
Phase 3: Calmer Phase
In this phase, batterers will ask for forgiveness, promise it won't happen again, shower their partners with gifts, etc.
The stages then repeat themselves.
How to recognize if a student is being affected by relationship violence
As an academic adviser, you have the opportunity to build rapport with your students, especially those with whom you have worked throughout the course of their undergraduate or graduate careers. While working with these students, you begin to understand when they like to schedule their classes, how they handle stress, what extracurricular activities they are involved in, etc. Their normal behavior may change for a variety of reasons and may have nothing to do with unhealthy relationships. However, there are some red flags that you need to be aware of when talking with these students:
- Injuries/discomfort. Is the student always talking about how accident-prone he or she is? Do you notice a lot of bruising, especially in the form of finger marks? If so, many of these bruises may be the result of being thrown down or pushed by a partner (B. C. Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007). Also, the student may show visible signs of discomfort around men or women and may avoid being touched or hugged (L Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007).
- Clothing. Is the student wearing long sleeves, turtleneck sweaters, and pants in the middle of the summer? If so, he or she may be trying to hide bruising, scratches, or scarring inflicted by a partner (B. C. Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007).
- Isolation. Has the student stopped talking about friends and family? Has she or he dropped out of extracurricular activities? Is the student's partner coming to all of your advising meetings with this particular student? Does the student insist on getting permission from the partner before making plans? (L. Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007). Also, is the student's partner waiting outside each class for him or her? Does the student appear fearful of the partner? (L. Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007). If so, these may be just some of the many ways the partner has control over the student and of the relationship (B. C. Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007).
- Constant gift giving. Is the student constantly talking about new gifts that the partner has given? Does the partner give these gifts after there has been an argument? If so, this may be the partner's way of reminding the student how great the relationship can be as well as making the student feel guilty for considering leaving the partner (B. Carney Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007).
By no means is this an exhaustive list of the scenarios that academic advisers may encounter if a student is experiencing relationship violence. That is why it is so important to build rapport with your students so you are able to notice these changes and behaviors.
How academic advisers can help students affected by relationship violence
It is important to remember that your role is not to be the counselor for students involved in abusive relationships; instead you can be there to listen and connect them to the appropriate resources. If you suspect that a student is in an unhealthy relationship, approach the student with a sense of caring and concern for his/her welfare. A great way to begin the conversation would be to say, “I am concerned about you, because ...” (B. C. Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007). It is appropriate to ask direct questions in a kind and professional manner. “Has your partner ever shoved you before?” ”Has your partner ever threatened you before?” Overall, the best thing that you can do for students is to listen, offer your support, and direct them toward the correct resources. Here are specific tips for advisers dealing with students in abusive relationships:
- Be nonjudgmental. It takes a great deal of trust for students to disclose to you that they are in unhealthy, abusive relationships. This is a time to listen and be there for those students, not to be judgmental. Asking troubled students why they are still in unhealthy relationships is not appropriate. Often the way you respond, especially if you are the first person the students approach with this information, will set the tone for how they feel about themselves. It can also affect how and if they seek help in the future. The students look to you to gauge how to feel about themselves as well as the situation (B. C. Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007). Also, it is very important to point out the students' strengths, because people in abusive relationships lack the ability to see their own gifts and abilities (L. Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007).
- Find out if the student is safe. One of the first questions that you should ask the student is about his/her safety. “Are you safe right now?” “Are you afraid to leave my office?” The answers to these questions will guide you in deciding what to do next (B. C. Brown, personal communication, November 14, 2007).
- Assure the student. Troubled students may feel very alone and may be blaming themselves. Reassure them that this is not their fault and that you are there to help and support them (University of Georgia [UGA], 2005). Also, reinforce the students' right to be treated with respect and dignity (L Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007).
- Understand the resources available on campus. It is not your job to counsel the student, but it is your responsibility to know what resources are available to students on campus and to be able to refer them to those resources. Does your campus have a department for violence prevention? Would the campus police be the best people to contact? Is this something that should be handled by the office specializing in student judicial programs? These are all answers that you need to know about your campus prior to working with students. Also, if the student would like to utilize any of the resources that you present, offer to call that office or escort the student to that office. Since you already have developed a level of trust with the student, it may make the student more comfortable if you accompany her or him to the appropriate offices (UGA, 2005).
- Make course adjustments. You can also assist students if they need to adjust their course loads or class schedules or even withdraw from school. Also, with the consent of the students involved, you can work with their professors on alternative grading options due to the stress that they are experiencing (University of California at Berkeley Health Services, 2004).
It is very important to understand the university's polices and/or protocols addressing the duty to report victimizations to the appropriate authorities. Also, do not be afraid to ask university officials difficult questions regarding what happens when students disclose to you that they have been victimized but do not wish to report the incident. This would be a great question to ask your university's sexual and relationship violence task force, if available (L. Gourdine, personal communication, November 28, 2007).
To provide effective support to students with whom you are working, you cannot neglect taking care of yourself. It is important that you have a support group to turn to and lean on during difficult times (University of California at Berkeley Health Services, 2004).
In this article, I have defined relationship violence and discussed the prevalence of relationship violence on college campuses. Also, I provided signs to look for in your students to determine if they are experiencing relationship violence. There was specific advice about how to help and support these students. I encourage you to keep this article as a reference and share it with your colleagues. Imagine the joy of helping just one student though a difficult time. By supporting these students, you can help to protect them from harm and also ensure that your campus offers a safe and welcoming environment.